Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Funny Girl

DISCLAIMER: If you are a Dane Cook fan, maybe you shouldn't read this.

A few years ago, a male acquaintance of mine said to me, “Ali, you’re so funny.” As I felt my ego swelling, I smiled and thanked him just in time for him to follow up his compliment with this gem:  “And for a girl, that’s pretty rare.” If there were crickets in Maine in January, I think I would’ve been able to hear them chirping.
The depressing thing about these off-putting comments is that they are not uncommon. I’ve heard similar arguments against women all of my life, and I’m sure you have, too. Just by Googling “female comedians,” you can find really intelligent hits like these: “7 Hottest Female Comedians (Who Are Actually Funny),” “10 Female Comedians Who Are Almost As Funny As Dane Cook,” and “Women should not do stand up comedy.”
First off, I’m not sure what being hot has to do with comedy. I don’t know about you, but I don’t remember anyone laughing at Chris Farley because of his rugged jaw line.
Second, the one referring to 10 female comedians being “almost as funny as Dane Cook” must be a joke in itself. In fact, I laughed harder reading that title than at anything I’ve ever seen Dane Cook do. He’s the most overrated comedian I can think of. The fact that he gets paid to tell unfunny stories and perspire in front of thousands of people actually upsets me. He’s an idiot. Apparently, not even his own family likes him; his brother stole millions of dollars from him, probably as payback for all the years of terrible jokes and exaggerated body language. I can think of 10 garden slugs funnier than Dane Cook, let alone 10 women. The only funny thing that man has ever done is his monologue describing women as “brain ninjas,” and that’s only because there’s humor in truth. To be a brain ninja, in Dane Cook’s case at least, women would have to be smarter than Dane Cook. Based on his comedy routines, I can confidently say almost all of the women I know (and most of the men I know, as well) qualify in this category. As revenge for all the times in college I had to watch that jerk shout unfunny anecdotes on YouTube, I can only hope Dane Cook encounters as many brain ninjas in his life as women in this world that are funnier than him.
Lastly, the brilliantly titled “Women should not do stand up comedy” floored me with its unparalleled wisdom. Duxtape comments on the thread: “I turned on some Comedy Central Presents, and there was this girl named ‘Iliza Schlesinger’, so I put it on out of randomness. She is horrible. She's hot and has a nice ass, so I left it on just to gawk at her in her tight jeans.” Furthermore, I was also impressed with the immense amount of research that appears to have gone into many of this website’s comments. HAWTakayama writes: “Just about 100% of female comedians are horrible because they haven’t evolved to have the creatively-insane thoughts males do.” This insightful quip is followed by JSTORM’s life-changing attitude: “To be a funny standup comic you need insight into those little oddities that we encounter once in a while on this strange journey of ours that we call life. Such humorous and often poignant idiosyncrasies are not found in the kitchen.” Thank you for your thoughts, JSTORM, but first of all, “standup” is not a word. And secondly, with an attitude like this and a username like “JSTORM,” I have a hard time believing you’ve ever successfully brought a woman back to your mom’s basement, or wherever it is that you live, so I almost forgive you for being so out of touch with the opposite sex.   
There is a point to all this ranting; women are funny. Need proof? Well, then you’re an idiot, but here’s a small list of just a few of Hollywood’s funny ladies: Lily Tomlin, Lucille Ball, Joan Rivers, Cheryl Hines, Mo’Nique, Sarah Silverman, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Ellen DeGeneres, Leslie Mann,  Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Maya Rudolph, Wanda Sykes, Rachel Dratch, Jane Lynch, Kristin Wiig, Allison Janney, Mindy Kaling.  Obviously not all women are make-you-laugh-‘til-you-cry hilarious, but if you think that all men are then you’re a bigger ass than Dane Cook. I know more funny women than unfunny women. The only reason I don’t shrivel up into a ball and stay that way until I die after reading or hearing ignorant comments like the ones we just saw, is because I do have a sense of humor.
So, if you also have a sense of humor and are tired of seeing funny ladies finish last, then check out Kerri Louise February 24-26 at the Comedy Connection at 16 Custom House Wharf in the Old Port. Kerri, a former finalist on NBC’s Last Comic Standing with Jay Mohr, makes a lot of jokes about her life as a mother and wife and is pretty entertaining to listen to, though our friend JSTORM may tell her to get back to the kitchen. If you go to the Thursday night show, it’s only half-price—that’s $8.75. You can buy your tickets at
Until next time, appreciate the funny women in your life. Maybe actually let them know you think they’re funny…just please don’t end that compliment with “for a girl.”


  1. You're a pretty good writer, for a blonde.

  2. best blog post ever! tina fey is my favorite person ever in the world and her brain is definitely bigger than dane's! BOOM!

  3. Now, Ali, how'r you ever going to earn a ring on your finger with all this chatter about women out of the kitchen? - Mom

  4. Hawtakayama, you are a fucking faggot. STFU and get a life nerd.